Rule 1: No looking around.
This one seems like kind of a no-brainer. You can look straight forward, you can look down. Even looking straight up is seen as a breach of etiquette, but won't earn you the disdain of everyone in the room like breaking some of the other rules will.
Rule 2: No talking.
Talking to yourself is unacceptable, to say nothing of talking to another man. There is an uncomfortable, marginally acceptable exception to this rule, and that is if you're both finished and only washing your hands. Still, that makes everyone else in the room uncomfortable and is generally avoided. If you're taking your kid to the bathroom, you can talk to your kid.
This rule is why that scene in Austin Powers is so uncomfortable. Not only is Austin breaking this rule when the Irish assassin guy attacks him, but the guy in the next stall is breaking the rule as well. And not just any guy. It's Tom Arnold. If you ranked all the guys in the world who would make you the most uncomfortable talking to you in the bathroom, he'd rank up there in the top 5.
Rule 3: No touching.
Do I really need to comment on this one? There aren't any exceptions I can think of that don't involve life-and-death situations. Because if you touch someone, you'll find yourself in a life-and-death situation pretty quickly.
Rule 4: Don't take a spot right next to someone else, if you can help it.
Men will only use half the toilets there are actually installed if they can possibly help it. Obvious exceptions would be sporting events like a baseball game or football game, where you've all got to go at halftime or whatever break in the action there is. The need to quickly be back watching the game outweighs this rule. Another bathroom rule that Tom Arnold broke in the Austin Powers movie, making it that much more uncomfortable.
So why this sudden interest to get these rules out there? Because there are regular breaches in American male bathroom etiquette at work, not to mention other things that make me cringe. I thought I'd share because who doesn't like bathroom jokes?
As a parting gift, here's a list of noises you definitely don't want to hear in the bathroom:
- grunting
- snoring
- panting
- nervous giggling
- laughing
- someone saying "oh, no" or "whoops"
1 comment:
Being a gay man, I've thought a lot about these "rules." Growing up, I felt them acutely and was always curious why men are more homophobic at this point in history then women...as a general rule. It certainly wasn't always this way, and these rules didn't exist 50 years ago. What changed since the days of MASH? Why is it that women get to hang out in bathrooms (bond even?) and men turn into asocial freaks the moment they enter the john? I have my theories, of course. Mostly I'm curious as to why you, Rob, want to enforce such uptight social strictures (only on men) in this particular instance? In all other ways, you seem so comfortable with your masculinity. This is the stuff of the insecure, overcompensating homophobe--even if subconsciously.
I challenge you to rethink your post (and position on this issue), and advocate the modern metrosexual bathroom - a men's lounge, complete with a couch, a place to change your clothes and do your hair.
Post a Comment